#‘you were the loss of my life’
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my current favourite hobby is scrolling thru tiktok and sobbing at unhinged edit after unhinged edit, trading povs between toto and lewis while taylor swift sings the most gut wrenching lines in the background. oh, and to make matters worse sometimes nico is also there.
#‘you were the loss of my life’#‘and you say i abandoned the ship but i was going down with it’ KILL MEEEEE#i have a literal degree to do and yet#here i am
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Do you think the First Ninja has Survivor Syndrome? if so, how strongly does it manifest itself?
Oh absolutely, my boy is traumatized as fuck. 😬👌
Survivor Syndrome is no joke, and i feel like it's even worse when its not just your comrades in arms, but also family. In my own headcanon version of Norisu Clan, since First was the baby of the family, he did not just lose his siblings (some of who were like his parents), but also teachers, mentors, comrades and more importantly heroes to him. Like, imagine you look up to someone your whole life, who taught you everything you know, and you witness their demise, and you are so freaking devastated and angry and determined to avenge them... but also how in the hell can you even attempt to succeed when all of your heroes failed??? But he has to, there is literally no choice for him, because Sorcerer needed to be stopped and he was the last one standing.
And then he does succeed, and he is still alive. Like, I 100% headcanon First as someone who was prepared to die to finally contain the Sorcerer. And after surviving he wouldn't know how to live not chasing the Sorcerer anymore.
So besides the obvious pain and suffering, the nightmares and being unable to get close to people, I headcanon that the Survivor Syndrome manifested so strongly, that First literally threw aside any remains of his civillian identity, of a possibility of a normal life he could possibly have. Because if his siblings did not get to live their lives, why does he? The only thing that was left is the Ninja, the Norisu Ninja - the culmination if all the sacrifices his Clan made, his siblings made. And his only goal in life would be to ensure that Ninja will survive when they didn't. Even if it will cost him his mortal life and immortal soul. And if Ninja lives, the Norisu clan lives, the village and later Norrisville lives on. That's what pushed First into creating Ninjanomicon, to make sure that some remains of his siblings sacrifice lived on.
And I feel like this self-sacrificial mindset that First adapted, saddens the spiritual remains of his siblings greatly. They would probably prefer that after defeating the Sorcerer, that he forgave himself and tried to live a life, but also, like... they are spirits so there is not much they can do to change his mind? They can only bear witness to his suffering.
#que?#first ninja#rc9gn first ninja#rc9gn#imagine you survived all your family and your survivor guilt manifested so strongly that u metaphorically killed yoself#but made sure to keep the remains of your family alive by becoming a living avatar of the result of all their sacrifices and goals#yes i am absolutely normal about norisu clan why are you asking#also if you were just asking about more mundane suffering of first and his survival guilt: i headcanon him being unable to sleep because#of nightmares and constant need to be alert to protect others. BUT also chronicaly unable to get close to other people anymore because#he suffered such great loss of his siblings that were practically his whole life and all he ever knew. i mean he still cares about rest#of his clan and some of friends and students. but its just not the same. there is a wall of pain that doesnt allow other to be close#ALSO x2 MIS addition: these headcanons are the reason why i hc chase being so interested in first - in someone who threw aside himself#and why i keep tagging on my fics that first doesnt have a name for a reason xD the reason is survival guilt lol#and thats also why i wrote in After the Battle that First lives on the edges of the village - because he prefers not to get too close to pp#i AM SO NORMAL ABOUT FIRST trust me
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do you think fourteen has a breakdown one day about just how much time with donna he lost. it was that easy, the whole time, for the metacrisis issue to be resolved, and instead of him ever figuring that out, he lost years and years of a life he could have had with her. he stood on the outskirts of her wedding. he wasn’t there when she was pregnant with rose and wasn’t there when she had her. he wasn’t there for a thousand little moments where he could have made her laugh. every time she looked for him without remembering who she was looking for could have been a time he was standing next to her. and he’s never going to get that back. time machine at his fingertips and yet somehow the one thing he never has enough of is time.
#it’d make him more grateful that he came home to her in the end but god. god.#and its not a long amount of time. not to someone like him. but at the same time. isnt it.#isnt every second that he could have had and never will get the chance to an loss so infinite that he cant stand it#its not that donna was alone without him. its not that she had no one else there to support her.#but he couldnt be there.#‘you were okay without me’ is such cold comfort when he could have been a part of her life. she could have been okay *with* him.#sorry im losing my mind over how much they both lost and how theyll have to live with that and move on from it and take what they have#and hold onto it so tightly#doctor who#fourteenth doctor#donna noble
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Jackie died. Jackie died and I'm devastated. I will never be the same person again
#I had to pause the game to bawl my eyes out#I WAS SO INVESTED IN HIM ARE YOU KIDDING ME#I think I get what you're trying to say to me game. is it worth it to put yourself in danger#and destroy yourself for a chance at a fame that you probably won't even get to enjoy#because you won't be there to see it?#is it worth it to break the hearts of the people you love in this pursuit? the people who'll grieve you?#I mean it's part of the first question that dex asks you when this whole thing starts and the last thing he says to you is also about that#about whether you wanna live a peaceful life or. go out like this#I get that. if that's what it's going for I get that. it gets the point across I'm not angry. but also#THAT WAS MY FRIEND#JACKIE MY FRIEND JACKIE 😭#WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DIED OF BLOOD LOSS THIS IS BULLSHIT#I'm never getting over this#sleep.txt#cp2077#jackie welles#OK OK HOLD ON I have more to say. I wanna expand on that jdjfkdkf bc I have Thoughts. especially playing corpo v like#I think the whole thing hit me even harder as corpo bc you get to see a sort of parallel situation with your v#where you had all this renown and respect but it came at a great cost. so great it nearly killed you#and then you go through that again and now you're dying and your friend is dead#and it's all in the pursuit of fame and money#that scene in the car when they're heading for the hotel reminded me so much of that initial scene with v#when you get in your fancy car and sip your fancy champagne#and like 10 minutes later nearly get killed by people from arasaka#I think there might be a point to be made there. about jackie heading towards the same kind of life just with a different coat of paint#being seduced by the same things we were seduced by while accepting the cost without fully understanding it#and then when you're faced with it it's. well it's heartbreaking and life ending#self destruction in the pursuit of something that makes you wonder if it was even all that worth it to begin with#viktor vektor is probably the happiest person I've met so far and that's saying something#anyway rant over. ty for your time I'm gonna go cry over jackie in the corner excuse me
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do you consider your self made?
#my art#self portrait of sorts#been musing a lot on disability recently and how being relatively freshly unable to do Most Things has changed my perspective on things#for a long time growing up i was fixated on the idea of being An Impact On The World yknow? mainly the next Big Writer#(and that it would be sooo impressive that everyone would make my books bestsellers when i was only 12 because it was That Good)#and i mean. obviously that didnt work out as originally planned because i was 12 and learning. but I've felt a lot like#I've kind of built my sense of self on those big achievements. even if they were only big to me. and a lot of them#are now out of reach or very difficult to reach. and it's been a lot to. recontextualize#to take what ive been told my whole life and ignore it in favor of just being being enough.#things will happen as they happen. i havent earned anything by suffering but it hasnt ended the world either#im here doing what i Can do for as long as I'm able to do it. and thats all i need to be for now#just making sure that i Do do the things i can do rather than assume i can do them later#anyways. love you#cw:#top nudity#artistic nudity#the dreaded ambiguously presenting nipple#if you put any pro weight loss eating disorder shit on here ill kill you btw#my body is sexy because im in it and im still alive. not because its struggling to stay that way#lindwormposting
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We only see each other at funerals
(On Jason, Thalia, Nico, Bianca, and their parallels/connections)
The Titan's Curse (Rick Riordan), @/anxiousmaya_, Right Now (Gracie Abrams), The Battle of the Labyrinth (Rick Riordan), Joan of Arc (Mary Gordon), The Lost Hero (Rick Riordan), Episodes Toward and Elegy for Halley's Comet (Lindsey Drager), Jason Grace (Riordan Wiki), The Gods Show Up (Michael Kinnucan), The House of Hades (Rick Riordan), What the Living Do (Marie Howe), The House of Hades (Rick Riordan), Planet of Love (Richard Siken), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), Tangerine (Nolune), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), I Bet On Losing Dogs (Mitski), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), @/abhorarchive (Twitter), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), Seventeen (MARINA), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), @/rollercoasterwords, The Tyrant's Tomb (Rick Riordan), @/the-overanalyst, Where Things Come Back (John Corey Whaley), Grit (Silas Denver Martin), Softcore (The Neighbourhood), The Tower of Nero (Rick Riordan), Frost (Mitski), @/moonbends, I'm Your Man (Mitski), Sun Bleached Flies (Ethel Cain), The Tower of Nero (Rick Riordan), Three (Sleeping At Last), My Art
#nono you don't understand it's about the siblings#it's about how thalia lost jason once only to get him back and lose him again#it's how jason and bianca both walked into their deaths with their eyes wide open#it's about zeus trying to kill nico and bianca and him doing nothing to stop jason from dying#it's about thalia being in the hunters and nico hating her but he knows how to grieve with that kind of loss#so he'll help her. for jason. for bianca. because no one deserves to mourn a sibling alone#like these four barely interact but they're soooo connected i could go on forever#i'm so sad thalia and nico never actually got a scene together after the burning maze#and ALSO#it's about the fact that reyna is one of the most (if not the most) important people left in their lives#LIKE#do you think thalia found out how close nico and reyna were and started watching her more closely#because every person the two of them have shared has ended up six feet under#so reyna gets annoyed with how protective thalia is but she doesn't stop her bc part of her can tell thalia needs it#and nico constantly checks to make sure reyna's life force is still strong#bc he never wants to be caught off guard by a death again#ok im done now i promise#the trials of apollo#trials of apollo#nico di angelo#reyna ramirez arellano#reyna avila ramirez arellano#web weaving#fanart#my art tag#thalia grace#jason grace#percy jackson#percy jackson fanart#bianca di angelo
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Twitter is having a breakdown over this picture of Pedro allegedly kissing Coco, his hairstylist lmao do we think this is real???
#I feel like if they were a thing he’d post her less on his socials cause he seems to be very private#someone on Reddit said she’s married#also this might not even be him lol it could lowkey be anyone#I swear if he’s dating a 20 something year old and it’s not me it’ll be the loss of my life lmao#(this is all in good fun lol I hope whoever this is is happy <3 )#Pedro pascal#joel miller#the last of us part 1#tlou#tlou1#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you
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Season 3 - Colin & Penelope's Triumph
Stop listening to loud people in bubbles who want to bring down your enthusiasm and crumple your joy with how much we have to enjoy Penelope and Colin's season. There are some people with a clear agenda of hatred because of their own couples that will straight up lie, cherry pick and manipulate to try to get people turned off or to feel insecure about saying they love what they love. Sometimes, people with a weaker personality and herd mentality fall for that and start thinking oh, maybe it's not good or i shouldn't like. Some nonsenses that we read sometimes and some fall for it: Nonsense: "Polin is not popular, the show would be doomed by them. People wont watch" Reality:
Nonsense: "Polin is being dragged by negative reviews by public and fans who doesn't see chemistry" ( lol, i can't even with that one...) Reality:
At this moment, very near season 1 in critics ( 87%) and above in audience score and higher than season 2 in both aspects. Does it make anyone like or dislike more? because it sure wouldn't make me like more or less something. Nonsense: Only negative things go viral. Reality:
That tweet is from 13 hours ago. You read that right. 13 hours ago and look at views, look at 139K ( HOLY SHIT) that have liked and an insane 65K have already bookmarked. That's viral in a insane level by people loving their chemistry and them together. If anything they have too much chemistry. lol Artists, famous figures and all saying they watched and loved also on SNSs. The general audience loving it. We, from inside the fandom, might have our issues, things we wanted more or less, but it's glorious what we have and how much Nicola Coughlan & Luke Newton gave and are giving us. The hatred is being silenced by the simple truth and the enjoyment people are having. They tried to hate on their popularity, it didn't work. They tried with their chemistry, it didn't work. They tried telling us it was fast or forced even with all we have already got of their relationship ( a couple that actually has been developing from season 1 and that already had a bond and has a different personality and path from other couples) and with 4 episodes left. They tried with their acting. Were proved wrong and more and more people are realizing the characters paths and the acting choices and praising. They tried with their looks. Made them look bad instead. So they tried with lies and look what they got back on their faces...a glorious triumph. So, have a great time. Be a fan and just be happy, enjoy without worrying, without comparisons. Some people are so bitter that they just don't want to like anything. It's their loss.
#polin#bridgerton#luke newton#nicola coughlan#colin x penelope#bridgerton season 3#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#Had to come out of my work here just because i can see some mofos were trying to make some of you sad by their manipulative ways#don't stop celebrating and cheering and enjoying#it's the loss of whoever wants to bitch about it#We are living our best life in the Polin fandom#don't let anyone take that away from you#and post your truth don't ever be ashamed to confront nonsense and to say that you liked something when some pretentious little bitch try#to come for your source of joy#I should be working#Lol#Nobody saw me here#i'm working....
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what a sorry bland goodbye for such an icon in the sport. this is how it must go, and yet it is not any less painful. he ripped out his last bleeding piece of vibrant glory to give to max and god. then he just had to leave. there was no extravagant celebration, no flowers, no screeching tires. the champagne is sitting unopened, forgotten in dim light. this is how it must go; the hero is etched haphazardly into books and no matter how bright that hero shone...this it how it ends. a blazing cacophony of honor to nothing but a candle flame. hope is meant to be left at turn one. and daniel never did. he kept it and kept it and kept it.
#you were more than just a short time...#and i'll still see it until i die you're the loss of my life#i never got to see him race in person#i bet it must have been beautiful...#daniel ricciardo#dr3#the library
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batman: shadow of the bat #0
[ID: a flashback of the outside of Wayne Manor at night. A narration box (unrelated to the scene) reads, “Ya think he's got a guardian angel, or somethin'?” Inside the manor, Leslie Thompkins and Alfred Pennyworth are talking in regards of young Bruce Wayne. They sit in a magnificent library at a small table as Bruce sits at his own desk that's across the room and has his face buried in a book. Alfred reassures her, “— Worried about him, Doctor Thompkins? I can assure you there's no need! Master Bruce has the manor to live in — myself to look after him — the best education money can buy—”. Leslie cuts Alfred off before he can continue rambling out more examples. She tells him, “It's what he doesn't have that bothers me, Alfred. Friends — hobbies — the kind of life a normal teenager looks forward to. He spends all his time in the gym, or here reading. I don't think he ever recovered from his parents' death.” We're shown Bruce, now in a close-up and able to see the book he's reading is titled ‘Lip Reading For Beginners’. Bruce peers over the book intensely as Leslie continues to express her rightful concern, “He almost seems obsessed!” END ID]
#baby brucie#love you leslie.... sorry you have to deal with the most insufferable male characters....#also side tangent maybe but i HC bruce having hearing lost because he was in an alleyway when a gun fired twice right near him#so the >:3 part of my brain loves thinking of bruce not even getting to hear the eulogy or answer a police report because of the tinnitus#that's still ringing in his ears. having his entire already lonely life destroyed because his parents were brutally murdered#and then having the permanent reminder and something that effects his senses in his every day#batman uses IIC or CIC and has amplified sound from his cowl. bruce uses BTE/RITE ones btw... if you even care.#i have mild hearing loss and tinnitus since i was a kid bc haha trauma & i had this HC since i got into batman so i have done so much#fucking research on different hearing aids and how the ear functions and such for personal AND projection purposes 👍#anyways. do you think leslie and alfred have ever explored each others bodies.#c: batman: shadow of the bat | i: 0#crypt's panels#bruce wayne#leslie thompkins#alfred pennyworth#disabled bruce#bruce's childhood
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terrible awful realization
[image transcript:
arisveah: and the surgery scene was so much more piercing seeing it from a different angle like omg now we have the idea that he was screaming the whole time omg.
best friend: RIGHT
arisveah: (referring to a previous comment about the exposure) "nerd" okay star wars. what am i supposed to do with the knowledge that charlie was screaming for half an hour what the fuck. what do i do with that? poor boy. if he ever escapes his voice is going to be absolutely shot. and plus saying all that (referring to the horror of promoting a future sex channel with your voice and not your authority) on stream- poor man might never say anything again (if he gets out) :(
End of transcript]
#generation loss#genloss#slimecicle#genloss charlie#mute genloss charlie#the founders cut#u ever get such a foggy brain in public that your mouth speaks without your consent and now u said something very violating about yourself?#now imagine that its been streamed in front of thousands of people and you can’t stop your mouth despite your best efforts#and before you know it youve made promises you know youll be forced to keep#because you didnt make them the people controlling your life did#and now you just have to wrestle with the reality of keeping these promises while your legs run with a boy. you know will die#and your eyes are too heavy to tell where the camera is focusing#but youre pretty sure its already focused your butt after you were forced to eat people and you dont know what else mightve happened after#terrifying#poor fucking gl charlie slimecicle#and he thought he was in the sanctity of his home too#maybe im reading too much into it#but my heart cries for that character man#he needs a hug and a warm blanket BADLY#i will give him hot chocolate and a Gun and he will be safe forever slash platonic#i want to steal him and niki and sneeg and vinny and carry them away to a safe little house on the prairie where they learn how to be human#and they farm carrots and wheat and charlie and sneeg go vegetarian while niki joins the police force and vinny works as an accountant
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@fushiglow hmm….wonder who i’d draw this for all of a sudden and why… 🤔🤔
#your reblog surprised me#THREE BUNS SUGURU (STAR WARS ER JUST FOR YOU!)#theyre covering riko or smt and smuggling her places (??)#drawing this i was like ‘oh suguru’s curses in a star wars environment should be robots and stuff#so this suguru is a mecanic (he makes them from scrappy parts people have thrown out#and trash materials (and hard work 😎)#diy pokemon#because what is the cursed energy people are letting out if not junk theyre letting go of#so yeah ; basic geto takes shit and turns it useful#i do realise thats already very generic for star wars (junk robots junk robots!) but like. yknow. this guy takes shit people wouldnt bother#trying to sell. miam. junk of the junk. geto my favourite recycling bin you were designed for a luxurious lifestyle clearly (gege not me!)#(and stuff…………. but im lazy to put my vision in words rn hah..)#gojo’s probably a princess#(let’s not lie. hes basically a prince already (clan heir is a different look on him))#this made me want to write ?.??#problem is i dont remember much about star wars (watched it as a kid (we have the cds) appart from the very basic storyline… i forgot 😔#then theres the jawa’s first appearance cuz for some reason they scared me and i am marked for life (THEYRE JUST SILLY LITTLE GUYS 😭😭))#thankfully i lowkey want to rewatch everything so these issues can be fixed#(unthankfully either way the chance of me writing anything is very slim BUT WE NEVER KNOW RIGHT)#(hashtag diverging your attention from that other older post is it working /j/j)#omg glo i still didnt read balance (i think of it from time to time but im intimidated to read it because i know its right up my alley and#that i will love it and lately idk why but i need to ready myself emotionally to read peak fiction (this is so dumb but its true 😭😭))#my bad im rambling lol#WAIT FUCK SAME THING FOR BUNNY’S RECENT THINGY THAT GOT IN MY AO3 UPDATE MAIL#A LOVE STORY TOLD THROUGH THE LENS OF A THIRD PARTY MY BELOVED#(itsg ive searchef for these types of stories in advanced search before#AND NOW THAT I HAVE SOME BY AUTHORS I ALREADY ADORE .. IM- I SEE THEM BUT. THEIR CONTENTS STAY A MYSTERY. IS THIS MY BODY SUBCONSCIOUSLY FI#FIGHTING THE TEAR LOSS I WOULD GET??? IS THIS MFING [BALLING-MY-EYES-OUT] PREVENTION !? WITHOUT MY PERMISSION..!? TCH!)#my bad. ramble again o7 — see ya glo !#wip
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I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with so much Iranian hate and drama <:[
oh anon. hate to break it to you (a lot of people make this mistake) but iran and iraq are two entirely separate nations.
and also i think reducing it to the words "hate and drama" kind of doesn't cover it, anon.
#i think if people were. just a little bit more informed. then maybe people would see that the people from this region are humans actually.#so anon. please. like... look at a map and do some reading maybe. if you care just a little.#i'm sorry anon but i'm a little bit at a loss for words over this message. like it rendered me speechless for a little.#but it's so common in my life that i've been called iranian and i constantly have to correct people on it. c'mon man.#i mean i have SO many iranian friends even though iraq and iran you know. aren't exactly bedfellows. politically.#but those politics don't really follow me. like in my day to day. iraqis and iranians in the uk of this generation. are again.#pretty divorced.#but it's kind of really frustrating that people Without Fail make this mistake over and over.#it's like how people just refer to “africa” as a whole. instead of recognising there are seperate nations there and.#it's not just a homogenous “other”#please. there are humans there. it's not just “foreign”.#i don't know if you're american anon but i see it a lot that anything outside of america is just “foreign”#and i mean#even as a brit. americans are constantly surprised i'm british because they forget anything exists outside of america.#i think it would be so so so so sexy of you anon to take a look at the globe tonight. give it a spin.#look at the world. it's so full and so beautiful and there are So Many Nations.#i'm going to look at my globe tonight too. i have a really cool old one. it spins so good.#and i'm going to pick some countries i don't know a lot about and do some reading about them. for funsies.
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i don’t think i’ve talked about it much on this blog because tbh it’s a really difficult thing for me to talk about in general but a year ago today, i lost my baby kitty zelda and i miss her so very much ᰔ
#tw grief#tw pet loss#tw vent#i dont mean to be sad on dash but >_< sometimes ya just gotta let it out a bit yknow?#she was the best kitty i couldve ever asked for <3#i always joked she was my lil familiar lmfao just two magical girlies coexisting#i met her during a very hard time in my life and all the years we had together were everything to me#i miss her companionship#i miss her lil meows#i miss watching her bask in the suns rays#she’s my lil guardian angel and she has been since the beginning#we have a lil soulbond and that doesn’t just poof away but i really wish i could hold her again#grief and i became very well acquainted in the last year between losing her and one of my close friends#there’s sm more i could say but tbh i feel a bit silly even typing this all out#if you read this i really appreciate you for being here#this lil blog has truly been a sanctuary for me to escape the horrors and i’m feeling thankful for this space <3#i might go back and delete all these tags in a bit bc DHDJHDSJ#but yeah . i love and appreciate u all sm#back to being silly <3#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims
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Something I've seen a couple people saying is that they want to make sure that Laudna understands that she's not the only one who has been through trauma. But like. Laudna is not the only one who needs to learn that lesson. Actually, it's not even that Laudna needs to learn that she's not the only one that's been through trauma at all, because they're all very aware of what they've all been through. This became an inevitable confrontation when Laudna decided to let Delilah back in, though, and after rewatching the scene, I actually think the only people who managed this situation correctly were Imogen* and Ashton.
Orym and Laudna are both more focused on their own pasts with the sword and not thinking about each other. Orym should have talked to the group and come to a decision with them about using the sword and Laudna should have talked to him about it instead of trying to steal it.
*my feelings about this are still up in the air don't read into this too much
#our faves aren't exempt from having to learn these lessons and orym has also not learned this lesson i'm sorry but it's true#ashton and chet are the only ones who have even tried to deal with their personal shit in a semi-productive way tbh#i could elaborate on the imogen handling this correctly but i'm not delving into interpreting that ship so i'm not going to lol#that's another post people wouldn't actually like and it's because i definitely don't mean this in the way you think i mean it#i'm not saying laudna was RIGHT#honestly i'm not getting my hopes up about how this going to be dealt with because i've done that before#and it hasn't panned out in a way that i enjoyed#so we'll see how this goes#also tbh orym walking in wielding that sword was a ballsy move to begin with#props to marisha for instigating tough rp over it#literally laudna going 'i was felled by this blade' and orym going 'so was i' LIKE SHE WASN'T PERMANENTLY DEAD THOUGH#for a long fucking time#and chet saying that orym's lost more like laudna didn't lose her entire family and her entire life lmao#if ANYONE in this group might be able to understand orym's loss it's HER#i know people are going to interpret this as me saying there's a right or wrong to this and i'm not saying that#people acting like one of them had more of a right to the sword than the other is bugging me though#although my vote would definitely be throw that thing in the lucidean ocean#(i mean really i'm like USE IT IT'S PROBABLY COOL) but like if i were IN the situation it would be to toss that thing so far away from me#cr spoilers
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...because any moment may be our last. everything is more beautiful because we're doomed.
#looking through my drafts and seeing this post unfinished and knowing in my core I'll probably never actually finish it .#but strangley enough i don't hate the way it looks with only those 2 panels ? beauty in simplicity or something idk#woe unfinished post be upon ye#honestly probably wouldnt even bother posting it were it not for the fact i was hit by a sudden wave of sadness#by being reminded out of the blue that alex really does just . lose nigel that night#enough deep level analysis my brain is all out i think . but just the simple fact that nigel dies that night#and alex has to go on for the rest of his life post-ending carrying that grief and loss with him#i know we talk about how nigel isn't truly 'gone' in the sense that they're one now and jack is supposed to be an amalgamation of the two#a product of their union and 'consummation' that night at the yard#but he's still gone . no matter how much alex might try and follow in nigel's footsteps#no matter how hard alex tries to tread that same path nigel did to feel close to him#he's gone . they will never have that moment beneath the house ever again . and alex has to go on living with that#anyway . normal again . imagine dropping a song rec like i used to. aha . go listen to sick like me by in this moment.#like minds#murderous intent#nigel colbie#alex forbes#nigel colbie x alex forbes#edit : THEY'LL NEVER HAVE THE MOMENT UNDER THE HOUSE AGAIN !!!!!#thinking about the moment where nigel sits across from alex after he shoots john#and the contrast to the scene in the crawlspace . nigel is trying to connect he is trying to get alex to see to understand#but now alex is closed off. something may be irreparable broken between them#do you think it was the moment where nigel starts to despair . to plead . realise that he needs to find a way to make alex truly see#i need to get some sleep
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